The Phrases given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a New Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk among men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."